The Yugely, Bigly Bungler

by Janet Lucas, PAD Blog Editor
Campton, NH

 I’ve been told by my nearest and dearest that I should avoid any gloomy topics in this blog.  Here goes…

     Given how things are going for the President, perhaps he should be planning ahead a little….Fade to orange…..then to gold…..

     It’s the Oval Office.  The President is seated at the Resolute Desk.  He looks at his watch and then he turns to look at the clock surrounded by Goya products on the credenza.  He sighs, turns back and picks up the pen next to the only other object on the desk:  a blank note pad.

     Just then a woman enters through a door opposite the desk.  She’s gray-haired, looks worried and carries a brief case.

     The Prez:  “Great timing!  I’ve just had some thoughts about my Presidential Library.  Have a seat.  Let’s get started.”

     Worried Woman:  “Sir I’m here with an addendum for today’s PDB.  There have been some new developments in Russia and in Korea.” 

     The Prez:  “Great.  OK.  Have a seat.  It will be Hugely Big, my Library.  It will be unprecedented, no more like UNPRESIDENTIAL!!  I’ll put it on…..You’re not writing this down.  What’s your name?

     Worried Woman:  “I’m Undersecretary Susan…

     The Prez interrupting, “Ok Susan be sure to take this down.  I’ll build it on an island…

     (Undersec’y:  thinking  “Fantasy Island?”)

     The Prez:  The public will reach it by private jet.  It’ll be sooo relaxing—they’ll love it.  My people will pick them up in golf carts at the airport.”

     (Undersec’y:  thinking  “His people?  Or the cast of ‘Lost’?  She then imagines a conversation in one of the carts:

          Guest:  “What’s that Black Smoke coming out of the ground?”

          Guide:  “That’s Stephen Miller.  He’s in his Immigrant Interdiction disguise”)

     The Prez:  “They’ll have a preview tour of all the attractions and then be taken to luxury accomodations”

      (Undersec’y:  thinking “No doubt each equipped with a Don’s John”)

     The Prez:  “And then on to the Library.  I see several wings to the building….

     (Undersec’y:  thinking “I see one shelf with your Dick and Jane collection.”

     The Prez:  “We’ll have a wing for the great moments of my Presidentship.  I’m sure there’ll be many.  Of course, great collections, there are always displays of gifts given by foreign leaders and letters from my fans.”

     (Undersec’y thinking:  “Plenty of room for Vlad’s soccer ball, rolls of paper towels, and Cheetos under glass.)

    The Prez:  “Ooh and the ladies.  There has to be a section for them about my presi-dental style and fashions.”

    (Undersec’y thinking:  “Baroque Bordello?  Retrospective on the most frightening Christmas decorations in the history of the White House?”)

The Prez:  “Ok Sally, that’s a start.  I’m a busy man as you know.  Have that back to me in one hour with copies for the cabinet.”

     Undersec’y, relieved to be leaving: “Yes Mr. uh, President”

Hope this gave you a smile!  Now get back to the work of what the great John Lewis described as “getting into good trouble”.